New Years Eve 2002

It was unusual but he was friends with a couple who were outside of his Royal Marines core and he never did anything out-of-order in front of them.

Previously, I had come from a family who enjoyed celebrating New Year and I always had brilliant ones with friends (close friends from Plymouth).

New Years eve 2002, our friends asked us to spend the evening with them, it seemed a great idea and my mum had offered to have the two girls at that time.  I did have a sense of unease because I knew the alcohol would be plentiful and the couple did know how to drink! The evening was great, I spent most of it with my friend laughing and joking away from the men’s company but keeping my eyes peeled to ensure all was well.  I did hear that someone did call him a nothing.

At the end of the evening I could see that he had quite a few to drink so I followed him out of the pub.  We walked a route I didn’t really know, I said is this the right way.  He replied yes I run this way – so I thought nothing of it.

I will never forget what happened next – it was dark with minimal lighting it had been raining.  It looked like we were near a car park – he then turned round and gave me an almighty punch to the face, where I landed on the floor in the wet puddles and he preceded to kick me.  The only reason he stopped and ran away was because a drunk giggly couple came walking upon us.  I got to my feet and instantly felt a huge lump on the side of my face near my eye, I tried to compose myself while tears were trickling down my face.

Where was he, I instantly felt scared and walked out on to the main road – it was eerily quiet and creepy.  I carried on walking for a long time and I turned round to see him a little way behind on the other side of the road.  I quickly took a turning, at that point I was near a place called Courtenay Park in Torquay and to be honest I found myself lost.  I kept walking and I saw a man on the road and I said please can you help me, I am lost?  He said What has happened to your face?  I said is it bad?  He said its a huge lump?  I said I really need to find my way home (I was so tearful).  He said look I will walk you to where you want to go.  I said I live near Barton and again he asked what happened?  I told him and he was honestly shocked.  I wonder if this man ever thinks back to when he helped a woman with no name?  He then walked me to a place which I recognised, it was near where my friend Julie lived (I did think for a while shall I knock her door and stay there for the night but then I felt it would be involving another person and I didn’t want her to be involved in an awful situation).  I said to him it’s ok I know where I am now (I didn’t want this man to be hurt), he said no I want to ensure you get home.  I said I don’t want this man to hurt you, so we compromised that he would see me into the house from across the road because I reassured him that when this man drinks he would fall asleep in the house (I didn’t know it for sure but that was the norm).

When I let myself into the house, I was on tip toes because I didn’t want to make a sound. I saw that he was asleep upstairs, so I crept back down the stairs and looked at my face and got an ice pack from the freezer and decided to sleep on the sofa.

When I woke in the morning there was still a huge lump and my eye was black – I couldn’t go and pick the girls up from my Mum’s with my face this way, she would be mortified.  He came into the room and just looked at my face (no words).  I immediately said you will need to get the girls, please tell her I am hung over and he left to get them. I was carried on ice packing and using a hot water flannel.

My next concern was work I can’t go off sick!  I found a huge plaster which covered my eye from the bridge of my nose to my hair-line it so it was big. My boss said what has happened to you and I replied I have an infection in my eye from my contact lenses.  I don’t know if he believed it but I felt better – it took over a week for the bruising to disappear but everyday I was applying heat to disperse the dead blood that collect on the top layer skin (a bruise it dead blood!).

He never apologised and I never discussed it with him but I felt that this behaviour was a concern with no motive and I would need to keep my wits about me!

He had done something similar before in the house – he hit me so hard that I wasn’t ready for it and the other side of my head banged off of the wall – after this event I had suffered a perforated ear drum and detached eye retina. Just before my brothers wedding I was able to cover it with make up after a solid week of heat and cold!

images (2)girl with cast 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Women’s refuge domestic violence facts!

Source: http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/what-is-domestic-violence/domestic-violence-the-facts/

Domestic violence – the facts

General

  • 2 women are killed every week in England and Wales by                                             a current or former partner (Homicide Statistics, 1998) – 1 woman killed every 3 days
  • 1 in 4 women experience domestic violence over their lifetimes and between 6-10% of women suffer domestic violence in a given year (Council of Europe, 2002)
  • Domestic violence has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime (Home Office, July 2002)
  • Every minute police in the UK receive a domestic assistance call – yet only 35% of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police (Stanko, 2000 & Home Office, 2002)
  • The 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found that there were an estimated 635,000 incidents of domestic violence in England and Wales. 81% of the victims were women and 19% were men. Domestic violence incidents also made up nearly 22% of all violent incidents reported by participants in the BCS (Home Office, July 2002)
  • On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police (Jaffe, 1982)

Children

  • In 90% of domestic violence incidents in family households, children were in the same or the next room (Hughes, 1992)
  • In over 50% of known domestic violence cases, children were also directly abused – NSPCC (1997) found a 55% overlap; Farmer & Owen (1995) found 52% overlap

Health

  • 30% of domestic violence either starts or will intensify during pregnancy (Department of Health report, October 2004)
  • Foetal morbidity from violence is more prevalent than gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia (Friend, 1998)

Cost to society

  • In November 2009, Sylvia Walby of the University of Leeds estimated the total costs of domestic violence to be £15.7 billion a year.  This is broken down as follows:
  • The costs to services (Criminal Justice System, health, social services, housing, civil legal) amount to £3.8 billion per year
  • The loss to the economy – where women take time off work due to injuries – is £1.9 billion per year
  • Domestic violence also leads to pain and suffering that is not counted in the cost of services.  The human and emotional costs of domestic violence amount to almost £10 billion per year

Fathers Day 2011 – How can a domestic violence abuser be so cruel?

When the children and I eventually escaped from this person back in September 2010 there was a sense of relief that this person went away a lot so the children didn’t have to see him until the legal stuff came into place.

During the beginning of June 2011 my eldest daughter came to me and told me that during the three times they had stayed overnight at this persons house she felt scared.  She told started to tell me how he would shout at them and that was so mean to Chloe behind closed daughters, if he took them out it would act well in public.  She said he drinks so much alcohol empty bottles everywhere and rises for midday – you can only imagine how I felt.  My heart sank he was treating them nicely and I wasn’t around to protect them (I couldn’t send them into the lion’ den).  I didn’t know how I would approach it with him because if I was to say anything he would be aggressive and violent.  I told Lauren don’t worry I will try to arrange something – she said that they only wished to see him once during the week and maybe a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.

I made an appointment with my solicitor just to find out where I stood.  She said that what the children were asking for was reasonable under the circumstances, so put it to him that they wished to see him in this way.  I went back to the girls and said why not make some Father day cards and when you see him on Sunday, you can tell him what you wanted to do.  I felt it would seem fairer coming from them instead of myself because I would hear him say you brain wash them!

When he arrived on the the Sunday before I left I told him that the girls would like to speak with him and it would be nice if he would listen to how they feel.  I was off to see my own Dad who was dying of cancer!

When I returned he was not happy – he said did you know about this, I replied yes and that it’s their wishes and I told him that I had been to my solicitor and it was fine. He shouted ‘You Fuckers, that’s how you treat me!’ He then proceeded to rip up his Father day’s cards that the children made in front of them.  He said you’re a cunt Michele and left.

The girls were crying so much and I was shaking but I calmly told them it’s ok – you shouldn’t be scared to say how you feel and your cards we’re beautiful.

The following day we drove back from school to see his car in the driveway – Lauren’s first reaction was ‘oh no what is he doing here’  I said I don’t know and calmly entered into the house.  We carried on doing our routine, I was too scared to ask why he had turned up.  He would normally visit between 5-7 pm weeknight’s so this was unusual.

I stayed out of the living room while he was in there and the girls just sat transfixed on the sofa watching the TV (I felt for them they couldn’t relax) – while he kept saying you’re all a bunch of weirdo’s and boring fucker’s.  I didn’t know what to do.  When he came to leave at 7pm – he said I can come in this house whenever I want and I will do, you aren’t going to tell me when I can see you!!  As he left he said girls your mothers a fucking whore I have smelt the crutch of her knickers in the dirty clothes bin so she must be seeing people (he always referred to me in vulgar names when talking to the girls)!  At that point – I said how dare you as tears come into my eyes, get out of this house.

I felt utter disgust and shock!  I am lucky to think that my children are well spoken and don’t have a potty mouth – I am so thankful that they are kind, considerate and caring.

From that moment unless he was away – he would come to the house for 3 pm – 7 pm everyday and every weekend! It was the most horrendous 5 months that we had to endure as he was emotionally abusive to all 4 of us until that fateful night in November 2011 (they have not seen him since).

From the children asking for an alternative which suited them it became worse. He wouldn’t allow them to have a voice he had to take control of them.  These Domestic Violence Abusers have the need to control every situation.images (1) windowslivewriterdfd701b9b463-e39edomesticviolence-13 images

 

 

 

 

 

 

Domestic violence and spitting!!

There was nothing worse than when this individual spat in my face – degrading in every way and disgusting!  To me it was the norm until the police told me 12 years later that it is actually an arrest-able offence!  When I told the police that this was a normal occurrence they just stood there stunned and shocked including the words of sadness that I had and my girls had received so much sorrow.  I felt shocked that he would be arrested for this when he had caused so much physical harm.

At the beginning it really did affect me because I was brought up to know that this was the lowest of the low, so it made me feel that way.  Eventually I wouldn’t let him see my sad reaction but just jumped into the shower – the feeling of it on me was vile.  Sometimes I would be quick enough to miss them because I could see how he shaped his mouth.

Spitting upon another person, especially onto the face, is a universal sign of anger, hatred, disrespect or contempt. Source download (1)DMV1Wiki

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Family – this domestic violence abuser will never break it.

I am so thankful for being brought up in such a loving family including the extended.  I don’t know how or why I caught up with such a crazy individual but all I know is that I was out of my league and I felt scared not only for myself but for my lovely girls.

My children have no love or interest about this person – they have never mentioned him since we managed to escape 4 years ago!  I try to protect them from all what is happening behind the scenes but sometimes they know and all they say is why can’t he just leave us alone.

I used to be so worried about my girls but I want to thank my Dad who is no longer here for being such a great role model while he was alive they enjoyed every single minute  especially the fun times – it’s funny but he was the same when I was young always messing around and skylarking!

Step-dad John you have given them so much love and attention, you have been phenomenal in ensuring that they have another role model to look up to and you love not just my three but Leon too!  How lucky are they?

I used to worry so much about how this would effect them long term but all I do know is that they will never be with anyone like the person they experience and they even though they know every swear word, these are never uttered and they are so kind to everyone.

My brother, uncle Frank and my mum’s sisters including Mel and the extended family they have give and still give so much.  I can’t imagine how this must be affecting you all because I suffered so much in silence.

I want to say Mum you have been my rock and you have given my girls and Leon so much love without a thought.  You have been their for mine and their needs.

I have also married into such a loving caring family – Betty, Martin, Wyndham, Geraldine, Bev and Sharon including your families – thank you.

Friends and you know who you are who have helped me through some very tough times.

I have been so much darkness but you have all provided me with such brilliant sunshine 🙂DMV2Our-family-is-a-circle-of-strength-and-loveDomesticViolenceCircle

 

 

 

 

 

In 2009 we saw carnage due to the Domestic Violence Abuser!!

The girls and I had lived in a separate part of the house for a few years but we relished the time we had a free run of the house during the weekends before he got up which was normally after lunch.

On a normal day we would ensure that we were not in the same room as him because he would cause some kind of nightmare either he would shout at the kids and call them fing weirdos (it’s a very awkward word even today) or he would character assassinate me or call me a whore in front of the girls or words of a vulgar intent.

But today we weren’t so lucky – he started shouting and saying you guys never spend time with me you bunch of c…’s so how could we pacify him before it got worse!  Lets play a game, so we did we sat round the table while he sipped on his red wine and played the game.

Unfortunately, he was losing and we all just chuckled hahaha!  That was it the bottle wine that was on the table was launched and it smashed a 39inch wide screen TV.  Our face’s were one of shock.  I commented I can’t believe you did that and then the glass of wine was thrown against the wall.  I started to clean it frantically, when he said leave it bitch and walked over to me and decided to pour the rest of the red wine over the top of my head.  Those poor girls were screaming and their hearts were pounding – we brought Mummy those clothes and I said please girls run upstairs – where he followed yes go away you f..ckers!!  He then preceded to open another bottle of wine and sat down by this time I was soaked sobbing and trying to clean up.

This wasn’t good enough he then got up from the table went into the kitchen flung the cooker hob cages around the room.  He then went to the cooker which was housed in a tower and wrenched it out so it smashed to the ground.  The bin then kicked and bent and he punched a huge whole through the wall and took himself into the living room and shut the door behind him.

It was a horrendous – I was still sobbing and in shock after all these years, trying to clean up!  Lauren and Bethany came into the room and they said Mummy we want to help you (how did I feel, I think you could all imagine how I felt – not great)  I said there’s a lot of glass, please can we?  You will need to get some wellies or shoes on and they preceded to help me clear up this horrendous carnage.

I was supposed to be having Catrina, Claire, Lucy, Victoria and Julie around for coffee – I felt so awful cancelling last minute.  Step Dad John came up to help remove the cooker and replace it with another.  He never ever apologised – by this time the debt of his damage was becoming a problem due to so much over the years and by this time we needed to pay it off. We then had to get a mortgage to pay it off and also we added the funds to replace the kitchen.

You can imagine how this haunts….  People say he won’t change but I hope he does I would hate anyone to go through what I and my children have.  It’s weird but all I want is inner peace and for that individual to find happiness so we feel free.